The blogless blog

2011-05-23T16:33:00.001-06:00

Yahoo Contributor

2011-04-22T12:51:00.000-06:00

Hey gang!
Looking for writing ideas?
This is a fun, easy way to get writing assigments.
And I'm sure there are BIG buck behind the work, too!
I'm talking dollars.
Like maybe $2 or $3 per quarter.
That's an average of ten ronis a year.

2011-04-20T21:31:00.000-06:00

Just added Google AdSense to this blog, which is entitled the blogless blog, now with adless ads.

paul aertker

2011-01-14T09:30:00.001-07:00

Flavors.me

paul aertker:

working on it.

Jennifer Represents...: But What About the Second Week of April?

2010-11-22T08:10:00.000-07:00

This agent wrote a whole blog to answer a question I asked last week. I am not even submitting to her. I love kid book people.

Jennifer Represents...: But What About the Second Week of April?

Skyebike

2010-11-21T10:19:00.003-07:00

Borrowed this from Janet Reid.

Skyebike.

7 minutes of wow.

Better Blogs

2010-11-11T09:32:00.004-07:00

An entire baseball season has passed since I last posted.
Why?
There are better blogs out there.
My newest is http://suzanne-johnson.blogspot.com/

Unlike my own lame blog, this site has loads of good stuff--on revising, enneagrams, and other freakazoid things that are... actually useful.

Enjoy.

SCBWI LA 2010

2010-08-11T09:45:00.002-06:00

Here is another great blog about SCBWI LA 2010. These bloggers are bettern me. Thanks to them for spreading the good word!

Permission

2010-08-10T13:43:00.003-06:00

Hey gang. This is a great blog about giving yourself permission to write. Writeon!

Zoony

2010-05-06T17:30:00.004-06:00

This is a photo of a collegue of mine and me the morning after spending the night at the zoo with 72 fifth graders.

Zoo Night

2010-05-04T16:48:00.003-06:00

I am off to spend the night at the zoo with seventy-two fifth graders. That's right: zoo, night, fifth-graders, all in one sentence. Sounds like the beginning of a nightmare.

Or, the beginning of a novel.

The zookeepers have it all planned: nocturnal visits and predawn breakfasts. It could be fun or then again, it could just be a really bad night of sleep.

Word of the day: Prehensile: grasping, as in a monkey's tail.

Peace to all and to all a good night!

Missing Mississippi

2010-04-17T18:06:00.000-06:00

HELP

2010-03-26T16:42:00.006-06:00

Help.

I'm having trouble writing.

Since January, I’ve been teaching fulltime and I can only find minutes a day to write. When I do, I think it sucks. Rather, it does suck. Now, I'm staring at the mouth end of another weekend and I’m fearful that the suckosity is going to crawl to a new nadir.

Then I realized I had writer friends to ask. So, what to do?

2010-02-25T12:37:00.005-07:00

I have been a crazy busy teacher since January 1. Teaching is such a high. But I gotta have some more of it. So, this letter is more or less a cover letter for my teaching resume. Yes, this post is a blatant expression of self-promotion. (pic from my classroom in Africa)

Dear Head of School et al.,

When a parent walks into a teacher’s classroom, anything can happen.
“Hi, I’m Pam,” she said. “Lauren’s mom.”
Was this a good thing?
The bangles clanged on her wrist as she extended her hand. “I’ve heard you’re the kids’ favorite substitute.”
Nice.
“I’m so happy to meet you,” she continued. “Lauren just loves writing, now.”
“That’s great,” I said. “She’s such a good kid… what do you expect.”
“No,” the mother said. “She loves writing because of what you said.”
“What I said?”
“You told her everybody could get on the internet, but only she had access to the stories in her head.”

Bullets and PowerPoints are not enough.
Without stories, we are lost.

In this highly distracted age, a teacher has to bring excitement to the classroom. After a writing sabbatical, I have returned to the classroom with a contagious passion for excellence in English, History, Geography, Modern Languages, and Writing. I would like to apply for any current or future open positions at the school that would best use my talents.

In West Africa as a Peace Corps volunteer teacher, I planned, developed, wrote, and taught all language materials for five classes. Stateside, I have taught History, Geography, and English in DC Public Schools. I have been the Business Manager of $2.5 M Independent School and have been Director of Development, Head of a Foreign Language Department, French Teacher, ESL teacher, and an English teacher.

About eight years ago, roughly September 12th (yes, that one), I left the everyday classroom in search of a world classroom. I started writing. I wrote stories, mostly for children, in hopes of inspiring travel and openness. Now my writing portfolio consists of a middle-grade series of five manuscripts, a middle-grade novel, two picture books, a chapter book, an edgy YA novel, a collection of short stories, micro-fiction, and even ad copy and a screenplay.

None has been published and not for lack of trying, but such is the world of New York publishing. I am currently a member of the Society of Children’s Book Writers and Illustrators. I attend the annual conferences and am plugged into anything and everything going on in contemporary children’s literature. For me, progressive education means I need to know what is being published for kids, not only today, but also tomorrow. I happen to know the Tenners, personally!

The research for my own stories took me (and my family of four) to France for a year and Spain for two years. If you ask the sixth graders at Graland Country Day School, they will tell you my stories are ready to publish. But, as I wait for the editors in New York to catch up to Graland’s children, I realize I am wasting my talent by not teaching every day.

I have a B.A. in English and American Literature from Millsaps College in Jackson, Mississippi, with a minor in French. I have an M.A. in Intercultural Management from the School for International Training (pending) in Brattleboro, Vermont.

I speak French at a U.S. Foreign Service Level of 4.0/5.0. Spanish at a 2.0 level. While in the Peace Corps, I tested in Hassanyian Arabic at 2.0 (it’s awful now). I am a dabbler. I know the greetings and other practical and fun stuff in Portuguese, Wolof, Soninke, German, and maybe a word or two in Mayan.

An English curriculum is my sweet spot, although with my background, I am prepared to jump into any of the liberal arts and/or administrative fields.

What would I do differently in an English classroom?

Writing is thinking.

I would have every child write every day. Every. Child. Every. Day. In addition to thinking and communicating, daily writing for the younger set is also a means of practicing penmanship. Writing every day in middle and upper school improves typing and computer skills. From the teacher’s perspective, writing, especially first thing in the morning, can be an insightful tool for assessing a child’s current emotional needs.

Necessary as it is, grammar can be boring. I would streamline grammar lessons and I would dramatize the teaching of vocabulary, where possible. Without drama, how else would you teach the word “anguish?” I would add more poetry to the curriculum as a means of teaching the true meaning of words, but we would have fun with the poems (and the poets, too!)

As a current parent, I offer a unique understanding of communication between home and school. As a teacher, I clearly convey what I expect from the students at the beginning—and the end—of the school year.

Recently, I gave a speech to the 700-plus student body about teaching in Africa. Every day, as the sun set over the Sahara, I knew it was my love for kids that kept me giving and giving even in the most difficult of Africa’s environments. I am always amazed at how deeply (and quickly) I care for each child, which was abundantly clear when I conducted the most recent fifth-grade parent conferences.

Anyone at Graland Country Day would give me a resounding recommendation, especially the kids. I believe in children and I think pedagogy should be child-centered.

The other day, standing outside the lockers in the hallway, McKenna Daily (fifth grader), summed it up for me.

“Mr. Aertker,” she told me, “when you’re in the class, I’m inspired.”

Sincerely,

Paul Aertker

Thanks for reading.

Keynote!

2010-01-15T13:28:00.006-07:00

I gave a speech yesterday to 700 kids and 100 grownups. The head of school suggested I publish the story. And we all know how easy publishing is...

After college, I moved from the bayous of Louisiana to the Sahara.
Yes, the desert. And yes, they had camels there. I went to the West African country of Mauritania. (No, not Mauritius, which is an island off the coast of Southeast Africa.)
The northern part of Mauritania is the true desert with dunes, ergs, regs, hamadas, and of course, oases; while the southern part of the country is Sahel, which in Arabic means coast, as if it were the coast of the desert itself.

I had gone to Mauritania with the Peace Corps to teach English as a Second Language to Arabic and French speaking students. The first thing I noticed was that the schools had no books. No library. Nothing. Everyone had little notebooks and that was it.
The Peace Corps sent me on a training mission to learn how to write classroom material for kids. I took a boat, a wooden pirogue, east up the Senegal River where I lived in a thatched roof village, studying and writing. I even had my own cook who brought lunch every day in a big bowl on her head. I sat on the floor with my teachers and ate with my hands.

After training, I moved back to the Sahara to a city called Zouérate, where I was assigned to teach in a middle school. My boss was Mr. Mohammed. Imagine that! Mr. M was not exactly a teacher’s teacher. He was a number’s man like the counter guy in The Little Prince. He was paid based on the number of kids who showed up every day. A truant officer. So the only real requirement we had as teacher was to call role.
I had four classes of 36 students each and one class of… 63 students, 35 of whom were named Mohammed. No kidding.
So role call went a little like this:
Mohammed Akhmed
Here.
Mohammed Sidi.
Here.
Mohammed Ali.
Here.

There really was a Mohammed Ali. As Seuss says, there are funny things everywhere.
The head of school, Mr. Mohammed, was thrilled with my role calling because he could bank some more worthless 500-ougiyas bills.

In this oversized class there were a lot kids who were nomads. These guys watered camels and herded goats. But there had been a severe drought. Strange that the desert would be dry, right? Whole families were forced to move into the city, but they didn’t give up nomadic life, and they certainly didn’t give up the tent.
Just a little tent in the city. That’ all I want, honey!

You know how in middle school there giant kids and scrawny kids in the same class? Most of the kids I taught were between the ages of 10 and 12. Then Mr. M added the nomads. The youngest of these boys was 18.
The nomadic boys had never been to school; not only had they not been to school but they had never been inside a building. They’d never had a roof over their heads. Only a tent!
They dressed in long blue and white boubous and came to class not knowing what “class” was. They couldn’t understand why I was teaching so they sat on the floor in the back of the class and made tea and smoked. In class!

So what do you do as a teacher? What do you do with this enormous class?

In the front of the class were four girls. You know how eighth grade girls lock their arms together like Siamese quadruplets and patrol the playground at recess? There were four such girls in the front this over-packed class. Those girls worked so hard and they made me work even harder, I wrote better when I thought about them in particular. These girls worked hard not because I was a good teacher; they worked hard because they saw learning as a means to flee the country and the oppression and the sexism and start a new life in a new world.

English was their ticket out.

So what did I get out of all of this?

One the girls came up to me at the end of the year and said, “Mr. Aertker, the learning of the English makes much happiness.”

That’s good by me!

Boys Book Club

2009-12-16T08:49:00.005-07:00

Some of the members of my newly-formed book club haven’t even read the beer yet.

Yes, we meet at bookhalls or German bookgartens. The smell of old books. From floor to ceiling, nearly every point is crammed with literature. Stacked on the floor and scattered on tables and chairs, there are piles of hardbacks, paperbacks, and even unfinished manuscripts. Tomes of encyclopedias and neat mounds of art books next to messy heaps of fiction and nonfiction books. Series, magazines and newspapers novels, and novellas.

We like meeting at libraries because we think every book club should have some ice cold books to read.

Last week, the Cuervo ladies were giving out salt, lime wedges, and free short stories.

Now after several meetings, emails, fundraising parties, IPO’s, election of officers, and deals cut with our wives (all of whom have girls night out), we have an actual beer to read.
Seriously.
Carter Finally Gets It by Brent Crawford
It’s about this guy.
It’s very funny.
Meetings are the second Wednesday of the month. Call before you come; we meet at a different library branch each time.

If It Feels Good Do It

2009-11-02T15:35:00.009-07:00

Okay. I have been off the Facebook, Twitter, and Blogspot drugs for one month now. Call it Blogblock, Facebreak, Tweadle dee... Whatever.

It's amazing how much time I have on my hands. I think I had some senility issues with all those tabs up there to click on. I would be writing something in Word. Then I would stop and click on dictionary.com, and four hours later, I would return to a blinking cursor in the middle of the document.

It was like walking into a room and forgetting why I was there.

A little more writing/thinking time and less clicking time. NaNoRevisMo. Anyone?

In other news...

1. Stocks are up and that's good for business. Yeah team! With the exception of Borders Book Group, which trades at $1.94. Can you say bankruptcy?

2. I have been teaching English at a school down the street. It's a blast being with the kids. And my English is pretty damn good! I had forgetten.

Writing blogs no one will read is weirdly fun.

More later.

Poetry of Rock and Roll

2009-10-07T16:57:00.004-06:00

I've long argued that modern poetry is alive and well; it's just packaged as rock-n-roll.

Pope and Eliot have been replaced by Plant and Bono. Stairway to Heaven is today's Kubla Khan.

These days, poetry readings are not packed, but humans haven't lost their love of words in poetic form. Now we pack football stadiums. Instead of a reading, someone sings.

This video is from U2's Barcelona show where a Rumi poem is written in green in support of Iran's free elections. Poetry with a purpose.

Finally, here are the words/lyrics from U2's poem/song. I like the Roar line.

BREATHE

16th of June, nine 0 five, door bell rings
Man at the door says if I want to stay alive a bit longer
There's a few things I need you to know. Three

Coming from a long line of travelling sales people on my mother's side
I wasn't gonna buy just anyone's cockatoo
So why would I invite a complete stranger into my home
Would you?

These days are better than that
These days are better than that

Every day I die again, and again I'm reborn
Every day I have to find the courage
To walk out into the street
With arms out
Got a love you can't defeat
Neither down or out
There's nothing you have that I need
I can breathe
Breathe now

16th of June, Chinese stocks are going up
And I'm coming down with some new Asian virus
Ju Ju man, Ju Ju man
Doc says you're fine, or dying
Please
Nine 0 nine, St John Divine, on the line, my pulse is fine
But I'm running down the road like loose electricity
While the band in my head plays a striptease

The roar that lies on the other side of silence
The forest fire that is fear so deny it

Walk out into the street
Sing your heart out
The people we meet
Will not be drowned out
There's nothing you have that I need
I can breathe
Breathe now
Yeah, yeah

We are people borne of sound
The songs are in our eyes
Gonna wear them like a crown

Walk out, into the sunburst street
Sing your heart out, sing my heart out
I've found grace inside a sound
I found grace, it's all that I found
And I can breathe
Breathe now

Blogotwitbook

2009-09-08T10:15:00.006-06:00

It's all one. The blog. Your Facebook page. The Twitmonger. I follow. I lurk. I friend.

The trifecta?

Here's another place to add to the list. A must?

An agent asked me to sign up at LinkedIn instead of Facebook. S/he was right. The business of publishing.

But how to put it all together?

In fifth grade science, the kids study animals' production cycle: Do I produce or consume?

Recently, I switched to Google Reader for consuming blogs. Reading is a boat load easier but commenting is ... uh… yeah. GR takes blogodom to a higher level of lurkosity. I blog therefore I lurk.

Here's some cream of what I've lurked on since the SCBWI LA 09 GLAMFEST last month.

At the conference Wendy Loggia (Delacorte) gave a speech about seven things that would kick you out of her request pile.

She brought out tomes, dusty binders full of data and rejections going back to the 12 Century. (BTW: The eleven hundreds mark the seminal point in rejection letters. Rejects were banned in the Dark Ages).

She noted seven things, but number four seemed to rise to the top of the foam.

Debbie Ohi has the complete list. And of course, Team Blog got it all here including these 1984ish lines: "She will google people who have submitted their work and read their blogs as part of her research to make her decision."

Waterboarding, caning, and googling…. Welcome to my nightmare!!!

There have been others to chime in on the subject. The killah agent, Janet Reid, said, "You're not invisible, no matter what the guy selling the cloak at Platform [9 ¾ ] said to you."

Shaun Hutchins (Deathday Letters coming out from Simon Pulse in the spring.) fires back with an anti-watch what you say piece. "If no one tells me I suck, I'll never get better."

President Obiwankinobi told kids to watch what they post on FB.

And even more.

Chris Richman and Michael Stearns have been Facebloging in lieu of blahbloging on the subject. If you're not a FB fan of UpStart Crow, you should be.

Got to go post this...

Wait ‘til they see me blog.

2009-08-11T12:04:00.005-06:00

There was a lot of good floating around that conference. New friends, old friends, non-alcoholic beer (wink, wink), great agents and editors, all so approachable. Thank you.

I'm still hoarse from laughing.

There was more than just the fun. There was real business going on.

I don't know if it was my energy or if I was "ready" or something, but the agents and editors at SCBWI LA GLAMFEST 09 were different this time.

They were not only gracious and accessible this year, but a hint of something else flashed in their eyes. In everyone's eyes. Every single person at this conference on both sides of the desk seemed hungry.

Like we were going to take over the world with good kid books!

We're in the catbird seat here, people. Children's/YA market share is increasing and that's good. The quality of submissions (our competition) is getting better and better, which only makes for better books.

Write on.

What’s a boy to read? 1

2009-07-29T15:10:00.015-06:00

Here's what jumps off this kids' bookshelf in the airport:

First, Miley Cyrus. (OMG y'all: she looks just like Hannah Montana)!!!

My eleven-year old son is with me. He rolls his eyes. Miley stares back and our eyes travel up to The Sisterhood pants, then over to Nick and Nora then La Cliquée, dead centre, and finally leaping up from the base, the support ... Twilight

The Whim woman on the third shelf winks at us, then Miley again and we light on The Calder Game by Blue Balliet, whom we think is Lemony Snicket posing as a woman. But not a bad book. But we've both already read it.

We stay and dig a little. Hidden away Prada & Prejudice. And there's Untamed, Rrrair. Warriors.

What would I like to see?

Anything that moves. The Three Musketeers, Sherman Alexie, Alex Rider, Gordon Korman, 39 Clues, Haddix, Madame Bovary, The Crime Travelers, Percy Jackson, Hemingway, The Young James Bond, Fred Tries to Kill the Moon, Whimpy Kid

Xenophobia

2009-07-27T11:06:00.006-06:00

Fear of the Foreign.

I love summer because so many people travel and a few more bricks in the wall are taken down.

Every time I fly over the ocean, I try to pinpoint the exact spot over the Atlantic where I become a foreigner.

I've lived outside of my home culture to the point that the wall for me is rubble. That's a good thing. I am also a francophile. :~)

As far as writing for kids goes, I think they are starving for stories outside of their home cultures. My own stories are Jason Bourne for kids (boys, in particular). Fun. Fast. But quelque chose de different.

Mitali Perkins writes about this cultural divide. She inspired today's blog. You can check her out at http://www.mitaliblog.com/2009/07/ya-books-and-global-poverty.html

Fast Friends

2009-07-19T16:54:00.011-06:00

I feel very rich in friends.

For me, we are always making new friends. Continually. I think it's the only way to feel rich is to be rich in friends.

When you meet someone new, you know pretty quickly. You know what I mean? You thin-slice.

I think I make friends pretty easily.

My newest bestest friend I've spent a total of maybe eight hours with him. Total face time, that is.

I met Sarah Frances' husband, John, the other day for the first time and he reminded me how easy it is to make friends with someone brand new to you.

Don't get me wrong here. This former mock-fugative is not without issue, either. John has faux-alQaida ties. He's known to chase bears with brooms. And he has trouble finding good fishing spots. But he has an open door and cold beer behind it.

That's my new criteria for friendship. Open door. Cold beer.

What's your criteria? Do you make friends quicker than others? And for the writery question of the day: Do boys make friends more easily (quicker and not necessarily deeper) than girls?

(photo credit: my oldest bestest friend)

Bastille

2009-07-14T21:23:00.003-06:00

Bon jour de bastille…

Ou est-ce que c'est joyeux jour de bastille?

C'est un peu nul n'est-ce pas parce ce que le quatorze juillet n'était pas un bon jour ? Le sang et le mort et tout ça.

P'êt nous pouvons dire que c'était un happy day pour tout le monde ?

P'êt.

Hubris and the Hammer

2009-07-04T08:28:00.005-06:00

A lot of guys like to work with wood.

Hence the success of Home Depot.

But HD is profitable because most fellers tackle jobs with more self-assuredness than actual skill.

The Home Depot business model looks something like this (this is a guess and should not be taken as a indicator of future performance. See prospectus for details):

Chris struts into HD wearing a pair of penny loafers and buys a new faucet set. About halfway through the job, he beams with self-confidence, rips off the pink button-down, and slaps the wrench on the wrong nut. Within seconds the bathroom is soaked. The next weekend, he and a contractor he knows from the bank re-sheetrock the room and two weekends later, a plumber installs the new faucet.

I don’t touch water or electricity; I stick with contraptions like this.The tomato plants are promising a bumper crop and they’ll need support. It might look cockamamie, but there are parts that are actually flush.

Next, I’ll knot a string over to the fence (which was built by actual fence guys). My friend Helmut taught me how to tie knots.

I asked him, “Helmut? How did you learn to tie knots?”
He said, “I bought this Klutz book called How to tie knots.”

Today’s motto is: Help the economy. Hire somebody who knows.

Travel in France with kids

2009-06-05T12:09:00.008-06:00

This post is for anyone traveling to France with kids.

There are four words you need, must have, when going to France.

1. Bonjour (hello/good day),
2. Au revoir (good-bye, literally: until the re-see)
3. Merci (thank you),
4. S’il vous plait (please, literally: if it is pleasing to you).

The most important is bonjour because it is the first impression word.

Contrary to popular belief, the French are very courteous.

To make the point, French youths (ratty looking boys with low hanging pants) commonly say “thank-you” to the city bus drivers when getting off the bus!

The main reason French think Americans are rude (and the reason they are rude to us) is that we do not say “Bonjour” when entering a store (shop, café).

French shopkeepers are like little Napoleons ruling over tiny dynasties!

The number one rule of all European cultures is to acknowledge the proprietor of a store, shop, or even the waiter in a cafe. (Even if it is a humble “hello” in English. But, in France, the “bonjour” is imperative.

Once you’ve said bonjour then you can use the “I don’t know another word” smile!!!
And they get it.

France is the most visited country in the world with more visitors than citizens.

What you’ve done by saying hello is say, “I am trying... meet me half way.”

S’il vous plait (See Voo Play) is very useful because it can introduce any need or want. When looking to buy something, typically you do not touch it first. If it is a self-service place, a sign will read, “Self-Service.”

French custom is many times very formal so they like to serve you. If you want something you might say, “S’il vous plait” and then say slowly in English what you want or point.

Au revoir (Oar ruh vwah), is important because it is last thing they hear from you and so leaves a good last impression.

Word four is Merci. (Mare see)
French are not lavish, like we are, with their thank you’s. Merci is used at the end, commonly when leaving with “Merci, au revoir.”

You don't need to say Maresee every time the waiter puts something on your table. It's his job.

KIDS IN FRANCE: Everyone loves it when parents ask their children to say, “Bonjour” and “Merci.” It is a big crowd pleaser!

Send a kid into the store with you and have the kid say Bonjour Madame. They will be buerre in your hands.

Here is my top five places to go with kids in Paris.

1. Tuileries Gardens. After your Louvre tour you’ll come out of the glass pyramid. The Tuileries Gardens are across the street and in the park you’ll find playgrounds, mule rides, and trampolines.

2. La Tour Eiffel (of course). See it at night at the top of the hour when the 10,000 strobe lights light it up.

3. Pompidou Center. Don’t even go in. Just watch the street performers in front of the museum. Sunday is best.

4. Picasso Museum in the Marais. A fun place to give kids a pad and pencil to copy Picasso’s work.

5. Ile de la cité and Notre Dame and Ile Saint Louis.

Eats.

At most cafés, brasseries, or even high-end restaurants you will find staek-haché et frites (hamburger and fries).

Pizza in France is very good.

Quick food places are the greek restaurants with the big spool of meat behind the counter. The Shawarma sandwiches are awesome.

Drinks in France are innumerable. For kids, they like Orangina and cassis and water. Or a Coke is "Cocah. See voo play."

For grownups on a hot day, a Monoco (a beer mixed with a little sprite) is great.

Au revoir.

Face-down

2009-05-28T21:07:00.005-06:00

When people put the book they're reading down, they tend to put it face-down.

This is a theory.

I met a guy at the 10-minute massage chair. He was reading when I came up and he set the book down, face-down and upside-down, and he looked at me and said hi I'm Kevin. And then he rubbed my shoulder.

I paid and asked what he was reading and he told me and that was that. But I had to ask.

What's going on here?

People hiding titles.
Is this only done in public? You see it on trains and planes. Newspapers in cafés.

Are people deliberately concealing the face of the book, hiding what they're reading?

Or do they love the book so much that they're keeping it a secret? Just for themselves.
I like that idea.

The book here on my desk is upside-down and face-down, which is perfectly appropiate for this title.

Is yours face-down?

New Agent

2009-05-26T17:15:00.002-06:00

Since I haven't blogged in a while, I thought I would re-start by borrowing from one of the best literary bloggers out there. Nathan. Most of you follow him. If you don't you should.

Here's his lastest about taking on a new agent. It's good.

http://nathanbransford.blogspot.com/2009/05/taking-chance-on-young-agent_26.html

How NOT to get Swine Flu.

2009-05-06T13:00:00.000-06:00

Travel

2009-05-05T20:43:00.003-06:00

In lieu of blogging, I am posting travel pictures on Facebook. Enjoy.

http://www.facebook.com/home.php#/profile.php?id=678813174&ref=profile

Boys. Books. Balls.

2009-04-20T09:55:00.003-06:00

Sometimes we think boys like to read about sports because boys like to play sports, but boys don't play soccer just to win; they play to dream of being great. At something.

Books and stories are not that different from playing sports.

There are plenty of guys out there—baseball / soccer / sports guys. You know them. I've quit teams because of them. These are the dads focused on winning. For five year olds! Most boys (and girls, too) will be culled out by high school, anyway, and another round at college, and the final cut: the pros.

Many grownup men have lost that loving feeling for why we play baseball, soccer, etc. It really is a game. It's not about winning. It's about dreaming to win.

Boys like books that let them dream about being great.
Ever watch a ten-year-old boy play basketball by himself?

Boys, who are allowed to dream about winning at an early age, win in whatever they do because they hold a dream inside of them. They don't have to hold the trophy in their hands. They really don't.

What do we want for boys? And what books are they reading?

Query Day Recap

2009-04-18T12:02:00.001-06:00

Thanks to Taral on Twitter for the #Queryday Recap.

http://taralazar.wordpress.com/2009/04/18/queryday-questions-and-answers/

Marketing

2009-04-17T14:17:00.003-06:00

This is a must read for anyone thinking about marketing books. Tenners are you there?

http://editorialass.blogspot.com/2009/04/why-dont-we-throw-some-money-at-it-like.html

Thin-slicing

2009-04-13T11:08:00.002-06:00

I just finished reading Malcolm Gladwell's book, Blink. It's a fast read about how we make decisions in the blink of an eye. Gladwell calls it thin-slicing.

When we come in contact with something—a book, a painting, an idea—we bring subconscious knowledge to that very first second and on some level, we come to a conclusion.

Most of the time, we dig for more information. It's rational. Gladwell shows that sometimes we know in that very first second what the what is. Thin slicing is not intuition, but real thinking that takes place real fast.

Sport makes for a great example. A running back makes thousands of decisions as he runs down the field. He's thinking, "Cut or duck—that guy's huge. Cut. Quick."

Tiger Woods tweaks his ankle and sinks the putt. Is he aware of his ankle adjustment? Doubt it.

You're in a bookstore and you slide a book off the shelf. You glance at the cover and scan the blurb and then you read the first line. A decision has formed. You might ask the clerks their opinions, but you already have an idea in place.

Writers make these snap, subconscious decisions as they are typing. The über critic makes this naturally more difficult. But in the end, can you tweak your subconscious?

Editors and agents plow through tons of material every day. Without thin-slicing, they would never get through the pile.

I wonder if the accepted stories have something upfront and deliciously subconscious that clicks in the agent's mind and makes her say, "I can sell this."

Playing with Children website

2009-04-10T12:21:00.005-06:00

Here's a cool blog for those with little kids. Erin seems to have an endless supply of activities and ideas. Yea!

http://playingwithchildren.blogspot.com/2009/04/tissue-paper-candle-holders-and-cans.html

бойкий понедельник (That's Perky Monday over there in Russia)

2009-04-06T07:47:00.003-06:00

I keep promising myself (and the huge bastion of readers out there) that I will stop this vlogging and get down to some flogging, I mean, some blogging; but, this stuff is just too much sugar for a dime.

Pårkag Måndag (Swedish)

2009-03-30T21:12:00.001-06:00

Yet another installment of my newest favorite timewaster: IE

Perktag Montag

2009-03-23T11:57:00.004-06:00

This is improv everywhere again. I think this positive stuff is working!

The novel is not novel

2009-03-18T10:19:00.003-06:00

Bloggers in bathrobes beware. The journalists are taking writing back.

I read the Seattle Post Intelligencer today. Online. That’s the only way you can find it. The P.I. printed its last paper paper yesterday.

A few weeks ago, The Rocky Mountain news printed its final paper paper after 150 some odd years, and just this week a group of former journalists from this daily decided to revive “The Rocky” …online.

I think this is great. I stopped reading the paper paper long ago.

Going paperless is obvious. The environment. The social sharing/emailing, “Hey y’all check this out” aspect. The business perspective is streamlined. No paper costs, no circulation sales staff, no distribution costs. With some electricity and good writing all the functions of publishing-- editing, printing, distribution, and consumption all take place online.

This idea is certainly not novel: Kindle, Kindle 2, Sony Reader, Adobe Acrobat, PDF, Plastic Logic, and and and. Check it out at the NYTimes

So paper or plastic?

I think in the not too distant future, we will look back at hardcopies (newsprint, magazines, and books) and think it’s kind of neat. Like 8-tracks or cassette tapes or even CD’s. This change is not a bad thing. The printed word has not been around for ever, either. Henry Fielding’s Tom Jones, arguably the first novel ever (hence the name) was published in 1749. 250 years ago. Gutenberg’s Bible was printed only 250 years before that.

I can imagine a Nancy Drew type story in the future where Nancy uncovers an old house from the 2000’s and they have a library (physical library). Neato! You might even hear Nancy shriek, “Look. This is a printed book. It’s not searchable!”

I know writers out there probably feel differently, but do we want the book (magazine, newspaper) or do we want the story?

I look forward to the print free world. And you?

Perkes Lunes

2009-03-16T08:07:00.001-06:00

Oh yeah!

Perky Lundi

2009-03-09T15:23:00.001-06:00

Daylight Savings?

2009-03-09T09:49:00.003-06:00

Daylight Savings Time is twice annually a subject of great debate. While some see the benefits of this clock-wringing, no one in history has ever said, "I love it when we change the clocks." No one.

DST is not universal; it's not even worldwide: only three African countries change clocks. Senegalese guys selling Rolexes. In North America, Arizonans (minus the Navaho/Hopi Reservation) leave their clocks alone. Part of Indiana and all of Saskatchewan don't do it at all.

For me, I'm troubled by how much time it takes to actually change the clocks. The twisting part.

Let's take the US, for example. Assuming 300,000,000 people (That's 300 million) and assuming three clocks per person. Watches, car clock, kitchen clock, coffee maker, stove, bedside table, one in your daughter's room, office, etc. And assume it takes 10 seconds to reset each clock.

Assume there is one clock per person in the US.

300,000,000 people
clock per person
How many clocks in total?
300,000,000 clocks

How long does it take to change all the clocks in America?
x 10 seconds per clock
= 3,000,000,000 seconds

How many minutes is that?
50,000,000 minutes

How many hours is that?
833,333 hours spent changing clocks

Or
34,722 days

Or
95 years

In the US, changing our clocks costs the equivalent of 95 years of work time.
Twice a year.

Just imagine how much time we spend on blogs :-)

Accentuate the Positive 5: ???

2009-03-05T21:13:00.008-07:00

To close Accentuate the Positive week, I wanted to find something that people are actually buying in a challenged economy. I wasn't execpting this! The BRO, the manbra, the manzierre is a huge seller in Japan for men with or without moobs. Really. This could turn the whole economy around. if only... http://uk.reuters.com/news/video?videoId=94348 1:56 news segment.

Part Deux

I'm going to Austin today to visit a friend.
I haven't seen him in a while --years--and we haven't spent real good get drunk time with each other in even longer.
My only fear in going is that we will revert back to the same old jokes and roles as we had in high school and we'll put on masks that have long been in the trash. You know what I mean about repeating old roles? Not where I am right now. Personally, I see a lot of positive out there. Accentuate it.

Here's yet another video to accentuate the positive.

Accentuate the Positive 4: Dance

2009-03-05T07:11:00.002-07:00

I wish I lived in a city with a big train station so I could dance!

Now that, that is positive!

Accentuate the Positive 3: GDP

2009-03-04T07:55:00.005-07:00

GDP is the Gross Domestic Product. Translation: Big Home Thing.

BHT never took hold so they call it, GDP now.
GDP is the sum of everything we in the US have bought. It is the aggregate (or the all, both the kit and the caboodle) of every thing, every good, every service, every massage, tune up, salmonella infested peanut butter cracker, every bit of bad stock advice, those water polo tournament tickets, magazines, pedicures, every beer. Every thing. What else do we do in life? Yes, that too. And it's all in that one number. The GDP.

The more official real definition of the GDP is the domestic purchases of all goods and services regardless of the country in which they were made. Think cheap plastic things made in China and sold at Walmart. It happens. So when you drift over to the website of the Bureau of Economic Analysis, which I am sure most of you do quite often…. You will find this kind of data—that is info.

Real GDP decreased 5.6 percent in the fourth quarter, compared with a decrease of 1.5 percent in the third. [Quarter of the year 2008]. Yawn.

5.6%

Okay that's like down. Right? As in negative.
But, how much money is that?
In dollar terms: about $212 billion. On the downside.
That means we spent only $14,200.3 billion for the year. That's how they write it: 14 thousand billion. That's right folks; we are hurting so bad that in 2008, we only spent 14 trillion Dollars on stuff. Just in the USA.

14 trillion dollars.
$14,000,000,000,000
Or
$14,000,000,000,000.00

"Hey Uncle Sam? What did your people spend this year?"

"Fourteen trill."
"Down a bit, but not too bad."

Source: BEA

GDP of other places:
The World: $78 T
The EU: $18.9 T
The US: $14.2 T
Japan: $4.8 T
China: $4.2 T
Germany $3.8 T
France: $2.9 T
Saudi Arabia: $528 Billion not Trillion (Most of which is oil... from us)
Turkey: $790 Billion; yes just a tad more than the just-past stimulus package.
Morocco: $90 Billion. That's a lot of couscous.
Madagascar: 9 Billion
Source: CIA World Fact Book

Accentuate the Positive 2: Fun with Buffett (not Jimmy)

2009-03-03T09:58:00.005-07:00

Most people know Warren Buffett as a great investor, but most investors also know Mr. Buffett as a great writer. In case you didn't read/see the annual report or the Newsweek article, I've highlighted the highlights…

2008 was a bad year. We know. Tell me something I don't know. Right?

Here's a tapas bar of Buffett wisdom:

"Investors of all stripes were bloodied and confused, much as if they were small birds that had strayed into a badminton game…."

"The watchword [in 2008] throughout the country became the creed I saw on restaurant walls when I was young: "In God we trust; all others pay cash."

"In poker terms, the Treasury and the Fed have gone "all in." Economic medicine that was previously meted out by the cupful has recently been dispensed by the barrel."

"Whatever the downsides may be, strong and immediate action by government was essential last year if the financial system was to avoid a total breakdown. Had one occurred, the consequences for every area of our economy would have been cataclysmic. Like it or not, the inhabitants of Wall Street, Main Street and the various Side Streets of America were all in the same boat."

"Amid this bad news, however, never forget that our country has faced far worse travails in the past. In the 20th Century alone, we dealt with two great wars (one of which we initially appeared to be losing); a dozen or so panics and recessions; virulent inflation that led to a 211/2% prime rate in 1980; and the Great Depression of the 1930s, when unemployment ranged between 15% and 25% for many years. America has had no shortage of challenges."

"Without fail, however, we've overcome them. In the face of those obstacles – and many others – the real standard of living for Americans improved nearly seven-fold during the 1900s, while the Dow Jones Industrials rose from 66 to 11,497. Compare the record of this period with the dozens of centuries during which humans secured only tiny gains, if any, in how they lived. Though the path has not been smooth, our economic system has worked extraordinarily well over time. It has unleashed human potential as no other system has, and it will continue to do so. America's best days lie ahead."

"Long ago, Ben Graham taught me that "Price is what you pay; value is what you get." Whether we're talking about socks or stocks, I like buying quality merchandise when it is marked down."

"Clinging to cash equivalents or long-term government bonds at present yields is almost certainly a terrible policy if continued for long. Holders of these instruments, of course, have felt increasingly comfortable – in fact, almost smug – in following this policy as financial turmoil has mounted. They regard their judgment confirmed when they hear commentators proclaim "cash is king," even though that wonderful cash is earning close to nothing and will surely find its purchasing power eroded over time."

"Approval, though, is not the goal of investing. In fact, approval is often counter-productive because it sedates the brain and makes it less receptive to new facts or a re-examination of conclusions formed earlier. Beware the investment activity that produces applause; the great moves are usually greeted by yawns."

Source: Berkshire Hathaway Annual Fund Letter to Shareholders

I hope you liked that post. I find solace in reading smart guys' writings. It beats the hell out of the news. See Robin Mellon's post. Paul.

Accentuate the Positive 1 : Employment

2009-03-02T12:35:00.005-07:00

Yeah. Yeah.

Economic Armageddon. It's easy to complain. But there is a lot of good going on out there.

So, in support of national "Accentuate the Positive" week. (I think I just made that up!) I give you the positive spin on…

EMPLOYMENT

Unemployment is 7.6 %....
That's 92.4% EMPLOYMENT.

Do the math.
300 million people in the US.
154 million in the labor force.
142 million people with jobs.
11 million without.

This is not meant to disparage those who have lost jobs, but the way to get them back is to focus on the 142 million people with jobs.

Tomorrow… something positive.

Source: BLS

Found in Translation

2009-02-24T08:13:00.002-07:00

So… you know how you listen to other people, and you know how you accidentally overhear their conversation... Right?

Well, the last time I was in Louisiana I overheard (accidentally) these two guys (Fred and Ty) talking about the French. I'm a Francophile so my ears always quiver at the thought that I might know something. Ty was a muscle-bound boy and he had presumably run into his old friend at the self-serve coffee station at the 7-11. I poured cream in my coffee and listened.

"Hey, Fred."

Fred was a scrawny fellow who wore a black Harley T-shirt and he looked like he'd just helped somebody change a flat tire.

Ty slapped Fred on the back and made him spill his coffee.

"Get this," Ty said. "You know how stupid the French are?"

"No, Ty. I don't know."

Fred flung the coffee from his fingers and got a new cup.

"Have you seen Men in Black Two?"

"No," Fred said.

"You haven't seen Men in Black Two yet?"

Fred gave Ty the I-just-said-that look and he poured some more coffee.

Ty obviously picked up on the affront and he folded his arms. "The French are so stupid that …you know what they call Men in Black Two in France?"

"Ain't got the foggiest."

Ty cupped his lip. "It's called, 'Back to Black Deux.'"

There's meaning here; I just haven't figured it out, yet.

Some Funny Books

2009-02-20T08:13:00.003-07:00

Here's a list of funny books by Abebooks, which isn't a very funny name, sounds a bit drab in fact, but the folks over at Abe's in England came up with this (mostly British) list.

1. Right Ho, Jeeves by P.G. Wodehouse (1933)
2. Catch-22 by Joseph Heller (1961
3. The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams (1979)
4. Three Men in a Boat by Jerome K Jerome (1889)
5. Wilt by Tom Sharpe (1976)
6. A Confederacy of Dunces by John Kennedy Toole (1980)
7. Lucky Jim by Kingsley Amis
8. The Code of the Woosters by P.G. Wodehouse (1938)
9. Bridget Jones's Diary by Helen Fielding (1996)
10. Adolf Hitler: My Part in His Downfall by Spike Milligan (1971)

My favorite is Confederacy. Maybe it’s my Southernness or Luzyananess; but that damn book is so funny I think I coughed up a pancreas, or two. Now that’s funny.

So I was thinking to my self, Self? You ought to jot down a list of funny kid books. So I did and here's today list of ten. Feel free to add yours in the comments...

1. Diary of a Wimpy Kid by Jeff Kinney
2. Tales of a Fourth Grade Nothing by Judy Blume
3. Big Bad Bruce by Bill Peet
4. Where the Wild Things Are by Maurice Sendak
5. Katy No-Pocket by Emma Payne (HA Rey)
6. La pêche au Ballon by Richard Scarry
7. The Very Hungry Caterpillar by Eric Carle
8. Dear Dumb Diary by Jaime Kelly
9. Ramona Quimby by Beverly Cleary
10. Fourth Grade Rats by Jerry Spinelli
11. Where the Sidewalk Ends by Shel Silverstein

Start Where You’re At

2009-02-18T08:18:00.004-07:00

“Start where you are” is a Buddhist expression or something—you could go and look it up (on the Innernet), but I’m pretty sure it’s Buddhist or Hindu or Ramayana or Kama Sutra or something like that.

Any way you slice it, it’s still a useful expression when you are deciding where you should start.

Out West, the expression is: Start Where You’re At. Real nice folks out here, but they got themselves a little preposition problem, dangling on.

My son’s teacher uses the dangling preposition all the time.

He says, “Where’s the book at?”

I’m like, “Where did you go to college at?”

And then I think, “Why are you a teacher… for?” I mean it gives a whole new meaning to "prep" school.

Expressions are good to chew on for a little while; they can help you get to the next next. Colloquialisms and accents always add flavor, like a little cayenne mixed in wid da red beans.

My new favorite expression du week, this week, is the Innernet.

Imo look it up on THE innernet. Doesn’t look it up now mean on THE innernet? People also like the verb to google. Imo googl’it. Sounds like a new plumbing device for clogged toilets.

Imo go googly’all. Or, I liike that girl; Imo googl’er.

Listen, I’d loved to stay with, but I gotta go google some sumbich and find out what he’s up to. On. At.

P.S.
The poll on the right side has been designed with an ancient Chinese secret to bring you what you vote. Vote often.

Monday is the day I laugh

2009-02-16T07:23:00.010-07:00

I go to this laughing yoga thing on Mondays now and I am hooked. It’s closed today ‘cause of President’s Day. I mean Obama’s been on the job, what, two weeks and he’s already taking a day off?

Here’s what you do for laughing yoga. You fake it until you make it. The idea is that a faked laugh has the same therapeutic benefit as an honest, serious, no frills, gut-busting laugh.

Smile. It’s the first thing you do. Go on and give it whirl. So easy. Smile. Try this 6 second video.

The tried and true in laffyoga is a standard yogoesque chant of Ho ho, ha ha, hee hee, ho ho, ha ha, hee hee. It’s already funny.

In laugh yoga, you start out by saying you name and laughing at it (with it). Go ahead, say your name aloud and laugh out loud. (pause)

Don’t worry nobody’s watching. Really laugh. (pause)

Now say your name aloud with an alliterative adjective describing who you are or how you are feeling (playful Paul, silly Sarah, pink sock Peter) and then laugh because … because you can.

Yes, it’s ridiculous. Everything is.

Try this one.

Half close your eyes and clench your teeth and give the biggest cocktail brown nose cackle you can muster. (pause)

Now, add a teacup to your hand (dainty: pinky extended) and maybe toss in a British throat quiver. And do it loud. (pause)

Keep the frumpy English chuckle and let everyone know how wealthy you are and how English you are and intelligent you are and how much better you are than they. Top of the food chain laugh.

Now think how ridiculous you look sitting in that room, laughing with that teacup in your hand! Laughing for no good reason other than it feels good is good enough for me.

The great thing about laughing is that when you are laughing your mind is incapable of holding contending realities.

All the Übercritics and mega-egos out there are temporarily suspended. You’re neither good nor bad. When you laugh, all you hear is ha ha, ho, ho, hee, hee!!!

And if that’s still not enough. Try the laughter hotline at 712.432.3900. Access code: 607-1292. Daily at 10AM MST.

Über Critic

2009-02-13T10:39:00.004-07:00

The Über Critic woke me up at 4. He's a huge help. Not only does he keep me from sleeping, he ridicules me! Neato. I normally get up before he does and crawl into a gossamer chair and write in the Dawn Zone and by the time he's ready to tear into me and tell me that I suck, I've got two pages I can shove right back in his face.

Sometimes it's a good idea to let the old boy have his say and get it out of his system. He mostly says the same thing over and over and he says the same things to all of us and he does tend to chose the sharp end of the knife, but after a while you can tell him, like a child, that that's enough and that he can sit in the corner because you've got some work to do.

However, if you keep him bottled up too long, he'll visit when you least want—like at 4.

I wrote that blog yesterday about blogging. So original. Ouu! A blogger blogging about blogging. (This is not me; this is him talking and I think it's time I gave Herr Über Critic a name… How about Dick. ;)

So Dick woke me up at 4 telling me how stupid it was to have written a blog with quasi-existential humor. Sartre is sooo funny, you know. "I exist." Hilarious. Dick went on to tell me that a blog is actually the truncated form of the word weblog. Now that's interesting, Dick. Thanks for the info.

The name weblog reminds me of Weebles (Weebles wobble but they don't fall down), which is a perfect metaphor for writing. The immediacy of throwing your stuff up on the webwall is gratifying, but I am used to writing something for, you know, a couple years and then I go back and reread what I wrote and man was the Über Critic right. The old writing is bad, rank, like duck guts rottin' in a barrel.

I don't know… I mean it's taken me four, five years to get up to the level of writing that most people would call crappy. Take Suzanne Young. A Coors Light and a free afternoon and she's banged out eight chapters; me on the other hand, I'm hitting maybe eight beers (good ones, not Coors Light, thank you very much) and maybe add eight light years and I got a couple of good pages, sort of.

So just before the alarm goes off, the Über Critic is still hammering away but he's coming around to the idea of blogging and he tells me, "Yeah, I think you should blog, Paul, I think it's a great idea. In fact, keep clicking that 'Publish This Blog' button, buddy, because that is the only thing you'll ever publish."

To which, I replied, "Thanks, Dick."

I got up and wrote this blog and I'm sure when I read it in a year, it'll suck. But I'll just make it better. It's an iBlog; not a weBlog. We write and write, but we don't fall down.

Je pense donc je blog

2009-02-12T04:00:00.006-07:00

The original of course is Descartes : Je pense donc je suis. My friend Dan, who has B.O. the moment he steps out of the shower, used to say: Je pu donc je suis. (Yes: I stink therefore I am.) True enough for an existentialist.

Je suis means I am, but it could mean: I follow, just the same. (Suivre: to follow) You could say, “Je suis ce blog.” I follow this blog or it could mean, I am this blog, which is borderline creepy.

I am me and I follow myself could both be: Je suis moi or you could say: Je me suis, if you wanted to, but most people don’t. I certainly don’t; I mean I don’t walk down the street and say, “I am me!”

Okay sometimes I do when I am weak and lonely and unsure of myself and gray clouds come to suffocate me, then I look at myself and I say to myself, “Self,” and my Self says, “What?” And then I’m a-O-k.

So blogging is like bad sci-fi, only you made it up, sort of. By blogging, you’re following yourself. I guess you could look at it in a metaphysical “follow your bliss” kind of way, sure; but Joseph Campbell never blogged and nor did Descartes. All of which brings you back to wondering if no one is following your blog then no one is reading your blog and if no one is reading your blog then why write it?

Because blogging is about getting published or noticed but isn’t a blog published? And if you published it then you could say:

Je blog donc je suis.